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“When are you having another baby?”
“Your son needs a sibling.”
“You can’t possibly leave your child alone in this world without a little sister or brother!”
“What are you going to tell him when he asks you for siblings?”
These are statements that I hear quite often. Too often if you ask me! In this past week I have answered these same questions at least four times, all in different circumstances, and situations. Although, the questions are well-intended, they are getting annoying. Especially now that our precious little angel turned 7 years old this past summer.
There was a time in my life that I dreamt of having a large family with a minimum of three kids. However, my husband and I met later in life; and we became “older” parents. Our friends, extended-family, and even my siblings have grown children! Some of them are even grandparents! They talk about their kids working, going off to college, dating, and getting married. While we were focusing on a good day care, and changing diapers!
Even when I was pregnant, I thought of the possibility of having another child. Hubby wasn’t completely convinced, and I didn’t push the subject. I was so blessed to have a good pregnancy, considering I was high-risk pregnancy to start with.
Then our bundle of joy was born, and we were immersed in the joys of raising our baby. Little one grew, and became more independent! He was potty trained, and diaper-free! Yay!!! And the thought of starting all over again (with another pregnancy) was slowly being pushed to the back of my mind.
With that being said, my answer to the questions above are: “No, we are not planning on having any more babies. No, my son doesn’t need a sibling because you say so. No, I am not leaving him alone in this world. He has family, cousins, and friends.”
During all these years, our child has never ever questioned not having a sibling. So the last question, I never really gave it much thought.
Until recently.
To be quite honest I was a bit thrown off by his question: “Mami, why don’t I have a sister or brother, and how did we become a family?”
I smiled.
I said to him, “When your Daddy and I met we fell in love, and got married. Then we found out we were having a baby!”
He responds, “Me?”
I tell him, “Yes! We were so happy and we loved you from the day we knew you were going to be our baby. When you were born you were a sweet little baby, and we knew then that you were all we ever needed!”
He smiled, and gave me a hug! Of course, I added that although he didn’t have any siblings he had cousins, and lots of friends!
He’s happy with the answer to his questions, and I wholeheartedly believe that he never really “misses” having a sibling because he’s grown-up with some amazing friends. There have been countless playdates, parties, gatherings, and outings with friends. He has quite the “social” life! He’s active in sports, and we have many extracurricular activities together as a family. He also has a relationship with his extended family even from a distance he knows they are there for him.
He’s a happy well-rounded little boy, and he’s our one and only. Truth be told we wouldn’t have it any other way!
Nicely written. I don't think we intended for our kids to be the only child, but life happens and then before you know it you have a routine.
Thankfully, my one and only didn't have the only child behavior which I think is a myth. My one and only has his family, cousins and friends who become extended family. My one and only is a well rounded young man who is thoughtful, generous, loving and respectful.
We have one because we, like you, felt complete and fulfilled as a family at one. Every family has a number that is right. Ours happens to be 1 and we are loving it. Our kid has lots of parenting and it shows in many ways. I respect those who feel right with higher numbers. We are all different and that's ok!
you are great mama. Never let people who have no business saying these things let you down. I am sure your beautiful boy gets all he needs from other family members and friends. Thanks for writing this.
Thank you cuz! I often think about you, and your son. He's grown into a fine young man.
I agree that there's a lot of stigma around being an only child, being a brat, entitled, etc., etc. it's definitely a myth, and you have your son to prove it. I never in a thousand years imagined I'd only have one, but that's the card I have been dealt with and I'm happy with it. 😉
Mi amiga querida, I totally agree. Having one is just right for us, and we wouldn't have it any other way. Every family is different, and unique in their own special way… be it with one child or with 5! I just wish people would let me us be!
Hello dear! Thank you so much for your kind words. I've heard those questions asked many times before but lately it's been too much! To the point that I'm annoyed by them. I needed to vent and the best way to go about it was to sit down, and write. My sweet little boy definitely gets a whole lotta love from family and friends. 🙂
Love it, being an only child is necessarily being alone especially with our family xo
Frances, this is a beautiful piece! Motherhood is personal and sacred so it makes sense why it is not one else's business.
Every family, every parent is different – and thank goodness for that right? We have three boys – and still get comments about whether we'll try for a girl. I am 42, those baby days are over. There will always be questions and judgement from others – they should mind their own business and let us just get on with raising our children, however many there are! 🙂
Thank you and I agree!
Thank you Linda! I appreciate your kinds words. People just don't know when to let go something that is none of their concern.
Amanda, thank you so much for your kind words. People asking when are you going to have a girl is unreal, and crazy!!! I understand about the age, cause I'm 43! LOL Not getting any younger you know. 🙂